Starting Over

Well, here it is Memorial Day. The official start of summer and my ass is much to fat to consider putting it in a swimsuit. i very much miss going to the river every day of the summer, but now i have no time for it, and i wouldn’t go if i did because i’m too damn fat.
i am trying so hard to revamp my life, but so far i haven’t tackled the weight issue. i know i need to. i have great respect and admiration for Lisa over at Lesson’s Learned for winning the battle of the bulge. She looks awesome and has so many healthy new habits, like running. i would love to be able to do the same.
Right now though, i just can’t take anything else on, and i really feel that the changes i’m making now are the most important. The big thing is moving away from thinking of myself and sick and unable to do things. i’m struggling very hard to just do things, try my damnedest, and if i fail, pick up the pieces and try again. Its not an easy path though, when i remember the path that lead me to file for disability and admit that i was just too sick to do most things in the first place. i’m not going into all that, but lets just say it was an extremely painful experience that i have absolutely no desire to repeat.
Rejoining the world is scary… but i’m determined to do it.

my Secret Addiction

Okay, i confess. i am a certified Harry Potter junkie. i have all 5 books and i am counting down the days until the third movie is released. i cannot wait! i know, i know its pathetic, but i can’t help it… i just love the series. i’ve even read tons of fan fiction (which is fiction written by fans) and written some as well, although i didn’t put it up anywhere…
i am sad to say, life has become so incredibly mundane around here, that the upcoming Harry Potter release is the only thing i could think of to write about today.
While i’m confessing i guess i’ll share this. i have always been a horrific housekeeper. i mean, really really horribly bad. This has always been something that J hated and bitched about, and for the past month i have been keeping the house extremely nice. Had his supper on the table most every night too. He has been great about thanking me, and telling me what a good job i am doing. But, we hardly ever have sex, and scenes are nonexistent. lol… its almost like we have turned into the Cleavers… i expect any day for him to come home with cute little twin beds for us.
i suppose i should just give it time.

Just Rambling

So J’s mother had heart surgery yesterday. She is doing okay, but i worry about her. my own mother has been dead for four years. i worry about what J will do when his mother dies because she is his only real family. i love him so much, and i just absolutely do not want to see him go through that. Not yet.
Life has been fairly uneventful lately. The most exciting thing is my life is that i’ve been able to see the Kami much more often and the Brad is making some tremendous progress with feeding himself and learning to communicate more.
i sure have missed my friends while i have been away, and i’ll definitely try to catch up with everyone now. So, if you and i talk and you haven’t heard from me yet… expect to do so soon.

Tough Choices

So, i have been gone for a while, because we have had no Internet service. It came down to a choice between a month with no Internet and a month with no gas in the vehicles. So, alas, i’ve had to suffer through a bout of Internet withdrawal. But, now i am back. Yay.
J has moved to another part of the department at work, and is working much more steadily, to my immense relief. i will try to pull my thoughts together and come up with a decent idea for a post either later this evening or tomorrow.
For, now, i’m back, sorry i was gone, but this time it was just unavoidable.