Here We Go Again

Why do things have to be so hard sometimes? Things that should be easy. Like getting a check cashed at the bank. Or shutting your car door. Or nurturing a relationship between two people who love one another very much. They seem like no brainers. And, yet…
Yesterday J and i attempted to cash our tax check. Our bank informed us that we couldn’t cash it. They would only deposit it into our account and put a hold on the funds for a week. So we can’t touch it for a week. All that fucking money in our account and i’m gonna have to borrow money from my sister to get Brad’s ensure this week. The mother fuckers. i’m so glad i pay them to guard my own money from me. i mean, obviously we all need banks to charge us fees and withhold our funds. Silly me.
Then J and i had this huge, giant fight. He said i was bitchy over the weekend and his aggravation with that was still simmering. When the aggravation of the whole check fiasco came down he unloaded on me. i personally felt he was just taking it out on me. We never really settled anything, but instead just decided to pretend it hadn’t happened. We tried to talk but kept running into walls. i don’t know. Maybe it is me. i just feel disconnected. There is very little intimacy lately and that is taking its toll.
We did have sex last night, although i didn’t reach orgasm and as soon as J did he started complaining. In short, it wasn’t good. And, we broke our new bed in the process.
Now i have to take my niece to the hospital. *sigh* i want to crawl back in my broken bed and sleep for a month or two.

Overworked and Underfucked

Good grief. Busy, busy, busy. i am overworked and underfucked. i have no new i got laid in a fabulous way stories. When you look at the date of my last post and do the math that’s rather depressing.
However, i have got lots of other news. We switched bedrooms with Brad, redecorated our new room and today our king sized bed should be delivered. Bottom line, this should mean J and i can sleep together again. Even if Brad gets up in the night to get in bed with us, there should still be room. Finally.
i may be out of touch a few days in a few days. We are getting a new computer and switching around phone services and internet providers. Could put me into no communication for a day or two but after that things will be much better. DSL, long distance, and a computer that will actually run poser so i can learn to use the damn thing.
Hmph. Everything else is boring everyday stuff. i stabbed myself in the foot with a razor knife because i am a clutzy spaz. The damn thing is sore as hell. my house is a shambles due to redecorating, and Vanessa drank almost a whole quart of moonshine and is now going on two weeks of extreme illness. Why does she do these things?
Hopefully J and i will break in our bed tonight and i’ll have something interesting to post tomorrow. Its a four poster. Whoo hoo!

And, a little silly something, just cause i felt like it:

Okay, So Memes…

i have two memes for you. Run now, the tagging is about to commence.

First, from Lady C:
1. go to your archive
2. find the 23rd post
3. find the 5th sentence
4. post the text of the sentence in a blog entry along with these instructions
5. tag 5 other people…

The sentance is… “Not yet.”

i tag: Lili, firerunner, h8you, nicki, and CJ.

Now, from Lili, we have:
7 Things To Do Before I Die:

Learn to love myself.
Teach Kami to dance.
Visit Scotland.
Be sure Brad is either able to care for himself or in a place where he is cared for.
Make sure J, my children, and my family know i loved them.
Write fiction for others to read.
Find peace.

7 Things I Can’t Do:

Sing. At all. Brad covers my mouth up.
Whistle.
Quit smoking. (i’ve tried a dozen times!)
French braid.
Wax my own eyebrows… it just aint pretty.
Change my oil.
Calligraphy.

7 Things That Attract Me To My Spouse:

He loves me, no matter what.
The person i am when i am with him.
His scent.
His sense of humor.
He makes me feel safe, loved, and worthy.
His ownership of me.
His cock. (well, you knew it already )

7 Things I Say Most Often:

Well, fuck me running.
Brad! Come here!
i love you.
That sucks!
Relax, guy.
You won’t believe this!
Dammit.

7 Books I love:

Bag of Bones by Stephen King
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
A Time to Kill by John Grisham
Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts

7 Movies I Could Watch Again and Again:

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
10 Things I Hate About You
Gone With The Wind
The Devil’s Advocate
Almost Famous
Kill Bill

7 People to tag:
Lady C, magdala, Nikki, GP, kitty, luna, Christina

my Birthday

So i had a fantastic birthday. J really pulled it off this year. Apparently asking for what you want works better than expecting someone to read your mind. Who would have thought, huh?

Anyway, we went out and shopped for new clothes for me. i couldn’t find anything i liked, but will try again soon. Then we went out to dinner. Finally we went to the movies. It was too crowded so i asked J if we could just go home and watch something, so we went and bought The Upside of Anger, War of the Worlds and Ring Two. But, then he remembered he had forgotten to give his mother Brad’s medicine so he had to take it to her.

Before he left he made me strip and tied me to the bed. He put the phone within reaching distance and turned on some music then left to take Brad’s medicine up. Being left tied like that is a fantasy i’ve held for a while, so i became extremely turned on laying there, unable to do anything but await his return. After a while i heard something in the kitchen and felt a little afraid. Its gotten very cold here and sometimes mice get in our house during the winter and we have to put out traps. i was straining to hear when i sensed someone standing behind me. Gasping i squirmed so i could see and J was there, watching me. i was so relieved to see him i laughed and he came to kiss me.

We got our gas bill this week and its 319.18! So i have become the thermostat nazi. i had turned the heat down to 65 while we were out and although i turned it back up to 70 as soon as we got in the house, it was cold. So J had thoughtfully covered me up with a comforter while he was gone. But, now he ripped it off and plunged his hand between my legs to find me dripping wet. He rubbed my sex for a bit making me moan and roll my hips before he went back to the kitchen and made himself a drink.

He came back and sat beside me on the bed and watching me squirm with frustrated lust. The chill on my hard nipples turned me on, the tight binds on my wrists turned me on, him sitting on the side of the bed smirking at my frustration turned me on. In short, i was literally dizzy with lust. Finally he used his fingers to bring me to my first orgasm of the evening.

Then he tried to give me a drink but poured it into my mouth too fast and it ran down and dripped all over me. Icy cold pop trickled down my side and i squealed and laughed. He laughed to and went to the bathroom and got me a towel. He wiped me off and we laughed together a few minutes, then he laughed at me trying to scoot out of the pop while tied to the bed.

And, that was when he started pulling out the implements. He got both cats, the broken crop that’s now more like a cane, and the paddle. We’ve never done much impact play on my breasts and i had no idea how much it hurt! He started with the long flogger and got my belly, my tits, my thighs. It was incredibly intense and i was caught off guard. i lost control of myself and screamed a couple of times, thrashing in my binds. He used the crop on my breasts and it landed square across my nipples several times, leaving me breathless.

Before he was done i had taken 29 licks with the paddle on my ass, and i have no idea how many with the other implements all over my body. Then he used the vibrator to make me cum several times. It was all very hot and decadent and yummy.

Then we had cake, played cards and watched That 70’s Show and South Park. It was a great day.

Vanessa And Other Good News

Five years ago, i loved my sister but i wouldn’t have given you 50 cents for her. She was a lying, stealing, violent, crack addicted user who mistreated her children that i happen to love very very much. This pissed me off so much that i actually kicked Vanessa’s ass a couple of times, over her girls. i thought i could never respect this woman again. That i would love her, but never like her.
i realized this morning, sitting her spotless kitchen drinking coffee, Vanessa is a damn miracle. She kicked all of her bad habits, got a new man she has never once cheated on (not that i cared that she cheated on her husband before, but it did make her feel even worse about herself), apologized to her children and made amends… actually ACCEPTING responsibility for what she did to them which is so rare, stopped self medicating and learned to deal with her shit. She left a man she loved with all of her heart because she knew she could never get clean with him.
Don’t think i’m trying to say she’s perfect. She’s not. Who the hell wants perfect? She reads her bible with a joint in her hand, spikes her Christmas candy with liquor and weed, and her keychain has a little dick on it. i think that’s way better than perfect.
my sister is the strongest woman that i know. i am so proud of her. i admire her more than i can say. A woman on the other side of hell, walking tall, holding her own, and doing it her own way. She’ll never see this, but here is my tribute to my best friend. my sister, Vanessa.

Now. On to me. i got laid. Twice. YAY ME! The first time was when Brad was at his respite care workers. J got me on the bed and we just cuddled a while, which is soooo nice. Then he took my clothes off and began rubbing my clit in that deliciously awful way. Instantly i was hot… and when he let me get between his legs and rub my face on his cock i felt my sex throb. He wouldn’t let me suck it right away though. He made me beg first. i pleaded with him, “Please, please let me taste your cock. i want it in my throat so bad.” He laughed and smacked me in the face with it a few times before he finally relented and let me suck its delicious satin deep into my throat. Sighing with pleasure i used my tongue to worship him. Letting it run up and down and over and under before i began to slurp in earnest. When he buried his hand in my hair and held me down on him, his cock deep in my throat i felt i’d burst with sexual desire.
Then he pushed me down on the bed and slid into my slippery wet pussy in one hard thrust. Then he was still, demanding my service and i rocked my hips sliding him deep in to bang my cervix on every stroke. Finally he grabbed my ankles and held them against the headboard while he drove into me so deep i was screaming as i came over and over. As he came deep in me, i clenched my muscles over and over and enjoyed the shudder he gave. MMMM. God, whew, yeah, it was good.
The second time, he had gone to bed and i was online working on some design stuff, when he came and said, “I didn’t get to fuck you doggystyle before. Get on the bed.”
So i did. And, he did.

The cobwebs are GONE. YAY

A GODDAMN GODDESS

So, the closer we get to my birthday, the more i freak out. i DO NOT want to turn 29. i feel like i’m about ready to be put out to pasture. This is some sort of stupid mental block i have. i know plenty of women in their 40s and 50s i find incredibly hot and sexy. The last woman i had in my bed was 36 and she was steaming hot. i do not feel this way about other women, but for myself… Oh fuck it.

Anyway, i have decided that instead of my normal approach of whining, crying, and having a nervous breakdown, i am GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. No, i can’t change my age, but i CAN change how i feel about it. So this year, i am going to work on all the things that make me feel bad about myself. i am going to look forward to my 30th birthday, because after a year of hard work i am going to be a goddamn goddess.

Watch and see.

A New Approach

So… every year, J blows my birthday. i am big on birthdays. Very very big on birthdays. i think i’ve mentioned in the past that birthdays were one thing my mother really excelled at. So… for me they are the ultimate day. Sort of a holiday you don’t have to share with anyone else. Total decadence, and all about you.
J’s family SUCKS at birthdays. These days i call his dumb ass parents and REMIND them, hey, you idiots, its your son’s birthday, call him. i, of course, make a huge deal of his birthday and spoil him rotten, but he has never quite been able to pull off a good birthday for me. Namely, he usually forgets. So… this year, i tried something different.
Today i sat down with him and told him how important this whole thing is to me. And, i made requests. i’d like a gift. Even if its something extremely small like burned cd or something. Just a gift. And, i’d like a birthday spanking. And, sex.
Perhaps this will work better than hoping for the best and then being upset when it doesn’t come off.

And, i cannot remember the details of our hot sex yesterday. i do know that we sent Brad to J’s mom’s for two hours. During that time i was whipped with the belt, fucked with said belt wrapped around my neck (no, not choking me, we aren’t insane) and i came oodles of times. Then i got another spanking and more sex just before i left to go pick up Brad. i should have posted this while i had the details in my mind, but i’ve been so busy.
J’s feeling lousy so i don’t know when i’ll get any more. But, i hope its soon. i need to work on finding that soft submissive place where i am so content. Its been eluding me for a while, but i’ve glimpsed it again lately. So… perhaps…

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

So… looking back, 2005 was the year of pissing and moaning. However, i did a LOT of self analysis. So… i think i learned a lot about myself and the world around me. It was a good year for inspection and introspection.

So, for 2006, let’s try to put some of what i learned to good use!

(hot sex post later, either today or tomorrow.)