Money Madness

Now J is sick. So he missed another day of work. So we’ll be fucked for money. Again. Dammit. We just can’t win.

The fantabulous Lady C sent us a gift, a really wonderful extravagant gift that really pulled our butts out of the fire last week. Without that gift i don’t know what we would have done. She is the greatest friend a girl could have and i appreciate her from the bottom of my heart.

The thing is… i haven’t even been able to afford to send a thank you card. i feel like an asshole. i did something, but it hasn’t worked yet. i’m waiting on it to work. Bottomline… money is driving me nuts, and its going to continue to be a problem due to J being ill.

i see my shrink and my med doc on Friday. i’m afraid they will stick me back in the looney bin because there has been no improvement and in fact i have gotten worse. Dammit. Fuck it all, i’m going to Vanessa’s and get passed the bong.

Thread

J broke another paddle on my ass.  Another.  *sigh*  my ass is getting too tough or something.  Because it hurt, and it hurt bad, but used to be if he had broke a paddle on it i would have been in hysterics, and instead i was disappointed because my spanking had to be over.

i’m still majorly fruity.  Brad is sick.  J is still being great though.  Well, other than the brief period when he came unglued and screamed and threw shit on Sunday.  He’s under a lot of pressure.  But, he’s helping mostly, and he’s trying to keep me going.  That’s what counts.

We are hanging on… even if it is only by a thread.

Protected: Meltdown

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Ruining a Perfectly Good Cigarette

So yesterday J decided to spank me.  i wanted to duck my cigarette and he absolutely would not let me.  Then he made me go lay across the bed and used the black flogger hard on my back butt and thighs.  i couldn’t get into it at all because all i could think about was my expensive ass cigarette burning up in the ashtray and what an unreasonable prick J was.

End result:  i was sore, filled with resentment, and my cigarette burned up in the ashtray.  Money just wasted.  It still seems stupid to me.

Wanted: One Good Woman

Where do i begin to look?  i want a woman way more than J does.  So primarily, she must be bi.  And, into me.  But, if i have her, he wants her too sometimes… so she must be kinky and into him… sometimes.  And, i’m not looking for just a fuck buddy.  i want a genuine friend.  Someone who i can be close to, have a real relationship with.  Long passionate kisses are a priority but i also want to go swimming, call to talk, dance, all that good shit.

How do i write that ad?  Where do i put it?  How does a lifestyle submissive get a girlfriend?  i miss having a woman in my life desperately.  Its been way too long.  i’m lonely for that type of connection. Women are special, and it leaves a void.  i don’t know how to go about filling it.

Ideas?

Faith

i am doing better. i did have it out with J. Its just not in me anymore to be quiet if i’m pissed off. Yesterday he came in from work in a pissy mood acting the ass and i had enough of it. i jumped on him with both feet. If he thought this was a license to treat me like shit he was sadly mistaken. He apologized and we are at a shakey truce.

Then i went out to Wal-hell. There was a lot of rain and wind here yesterday coming off of Ernesto and people were acting nuts. Actually fighting over bread and shit. It just happened to be my grocery day and there was no food in my house so i HAD to go. Major pisser. But i lived through it and made it home.

We didn’t spend any time together as that he played his computer game til i went to bed. But, hopefully things will improve soon. They have to. i have faith.