Being Recentered

i’ve felt out of control lately and so yesterday i crawled into J’s lap and asked for a spanking. He sent me to the bedroom and had me pull down my pants and pull up my shirt and bra. He gave me one extremely hard lick with the paddle that took my breath and then switched to the leather flogger. It was long and it was hard and i was in tears by the time he was done. Then he held me and told me i was his good girl.
i feel much more centered. Sometimes i just feel out of control and i need that… reset, for clarity. i think i need it often right now. It gives me something to hold on to.

Gagged

i’m sick, yet again.  i get every little bug that comes around, my immune system sucks.  Probably because i don’t sleep well or eat right.  i try, but i’m just not good on those things, and so i stay sick.  Oh joy.

J and i are in a weird place.  He’s just… distant.  All of a sudden out of the blue he’ll be very dominant and while i enjoy it… it doesn’t make me feel closer because of the inconsistancy.  Now i’m certainly not going to complain, he’ll either shut down or whip my ass, neither of which is the result i’m looking for.  i just wish i knew what kept him distracted and distant.  How i could help him turn towards me more fully, how i could be more pleasurable.

Bah.  i don’t know what’s going on.  It will resolve itself, in time i hope.  i’m not very happy with the way things stand right now.

i’ve stopped writing in this blog as much because i started writing for my audience.  i worry that this reader will think me weak or that that reader will think me pushy.  If this continues, i’ll switch everything over to my live journal and lock posts i feel uncomfortable with.  Blogging means too much to me to let myself worry about what others think to the point that i gag myself.

Reviews

Right now, i’m barely hanging on.  But, something good is in my life.  This review really lifted me.  Someone who is not my friend or family member liked my work.  So now i feel comfortable enough to say, come on over to BDSM-Greetings and check out my cards.  i hope you find something you like. 

J was trying to tighten the reigns, but then he got sick.  Hopefully that will clear up.

More when life uncomplicates a bit.