J expects a lot more out of me now. We were a lot more relaxed and i got by with basically murder around here. Now he has expectations. This is good. This feels good… it makes me feel more… fuck i don’t know… something. Something good. How eloquent is that?
Anyway.
The thing is, i’m not used to it yet. So he says something like… “I’m thirsty,” and my first reaction is, “Well get a drink.” i tell you, i am the queen of submission. He, however, has been really patient and hasn’t blistered my ass yet. He just looks at me like i’ve lost my mind and waits calmly for me to realize that i should get off my sorry ass and go get it for him. And, i do. After about two seconds. Then i’m embarrassed. Writing this here is kind of embarrassing, but what the hell.
In the past i had this kind of thing nailed cold. But, then we went so many years with things so weird between us. Neither of us were sure of our place. He didn’t even tell me he was thirsty, he just got his own drink. If he wanted me to get it for him, he told me to. i don’t understand subtle anymore. i’m relearning.
J’s style of dominance has changed yet again. i like the change, but its a bit of a struggle to catch up to him. i’m not quite sure what he wants yet and i’m having the usual growing pains of self doubt and insecurity. He’s being patient, its not him that’s causing the problem. As per usual, i want what i want right now. Yesterday. And, i want to do better at this.
Always His angel 