Home Again

Well ain’t this a bitch.  i got my DSL cut off.  Yes, i am still a bum, i got my DSL cut off.  i can’t keep anything straight for very long.  Our money is as fucked up as a football bat again.  *sigh*

J and i aren’t getting to fuck very often either.  Ever.  But when we do its good.  Usually.  i miss him, he’s working a lot and we aren’t connecting as well.  Today he didn’t even come inside when he got home from work.  Frankly it pissed me off but of course i didn’t say anything.  What can i say?  Oh by the way Master, when you don’t even say hello it hurts my feelings asshole?  Yeah, right.  Lead balloon and all that.  *sigh*

Fuck it.

Better post when i’m in a better mood.  In the meantime, i’m back.

Who Could Have Guessed?

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

i pinched this quiz from Watcher. Things are still good between J and me. We have been having lots of sex (see quiz) and i’ve been getting my ass torn up lots. Yummy. i’ll get a good post together as soon as i can sit down long enough to type one out. Later today or tomorrow probably.

Open Sesame

i’m going to unlock all posts except for those about my children or total insanity. If you already have the password, you have total access.  If you don’t and you want to read those… write to me. We’ll talk.

Spelled Out

We went through a rough patch. That was clear to see. It lasted a long time, almost the entire time this blog has been in existence. We turned a corner somewhere into a very unhappy place. In fact, when last September rolled around and i had to move and rename my blog, i named it always his angel because i wasn’t sure i was his slave anymore. i wasn’t sure i was his little girl. i wasn’t sure of anything except that i was his. As long as he would have me i was his. And before we got to this point in time (when we’ve turned another corner) i wasn’t even sure of that anymore.

Yesterday i made a new friend. We talked about how D/s and M/s relationships can change and the accompanying growing pains. It was good to have someone truly listen and understand how badly you ache for your Master even while you fear their return. Because i did come to a point where i feared J’s brief returns into dominance. They only fed my hopes to leave me crushed and aching when it didn’t work out again. It felt good to talk. To know i wasn’t alone. That even if our issues weren’t identical, someone understood my feelings. If you are reading this new friend, thank you.

So, today, J and i talked. We’ve been reconnected for a while now. Really reconnected. Little things that used to blow us apart have not. i have not been too needy and driven him away. He has not been cold and oblivious. Its been working. Just like it did for so many years. Really working. Except he didn’t have clean underwear for work and had to go without. So i got my pants pulled down and leaned over the desk and the paddle applied until i was near tears. And, then i had to know. What are we? What am i? Why should i lean over the desk for him? Not that i wanted to refuse, but that i wanted to know why.

Its because i am his slave. One he neglected for a long time. One who ran wild and needs to be retrained. One who feels insecure in her abilities sometimes. But, that’s what i am. i am his slave. And, his little girl. And, his wife. And, his lover. And, his best friend. And, his confidant. And, his confessor. And, his woman. And, always his angel.

“I Fear Youll Be Fucked”

So i went to the therapist today and talked her ear off and at the end she says to me. “You have to lighten up, or I fear you will be fucked.” i had to laugh. It pretty much sums it up. Running around chairs, rocking, screaming, and pulling out my hair is not going to make life run any smoother. i have to find a way to get a grip on it.

J is helping. The fact that J is interested enough to want to help is a big one. We are working on it. i dont know how to lighten up, but im trying.

ps… i think i may get fucked tonight. YAY!

Hookie

Today i am sporting a hickey on my neck that looks like a teenage girl trying to piss off her parents. Everyone i have seen from my sister to my neighbor to my respite worker has commented on it. my sister even called it a hookie (a play on hooker i think) because she said it was too big and red to be a hickey. In short, i have a nasty looking mark on my neck that makes me blush and want to hide in the house for the next week or so.

But, i’ll tell you, getting it was a HELL of a lot of fun. We did try out that pinwheel. (Note: you should be sure your pubic hair is gone when playing with pinwheels, if it is not and it snags, it HURTS!) We also went all the way around the world, blowjob-pussy-ass. Today, i am sore. But, then… we had sex again today.

J came home from work and Brad was gone with the respite worker. Before i knew what was what he had me on the bed with my clothes off. He had me lay on my stomach and used the nice black flogger to warm my back and ass. Then the strokes came harder and stronger and faster leaving me panting and slippery between the legs as the pain began to intensify. Soon i was squirming with both lust and pain.

Then he rolled me onto my stomach and shoved the vibe into me. i was beyond caring about any old hang ups and pumped against the toy with abandon. Finally i began to beg him to suck his cock and he allowed it, still jamming the vibrator hard against my clit and into my pussy. After a while he made me turn around hold my ass high in the air in front of him. He pulled the vibrator out and handed it to me.

“Suck on that. Suck it like a cock.”

So i am sucking my own juices off of the vibe, fucking J, being pounded when the fucking phone rings! We decide to ignore it and continue. He grabbed my hips and really rode me as hard as he could, driving me into the bed and i whimpered with pain and pleasure, nearing my orgasm.

Then he flipped me onto my back, grabbed my ankles and pulled them over his shoulders. After a few minutes of amazing thrusting he pulled out and replaced his cock with the vibe and used it to bring me to a mind numbing, earth shattering orgasm.

Then he put me back on my knees and rode me hard. i rocked my hips in rythm to his motions and came again twice, shuddering and moaning beneath him before he pumped his cum into me. Using my muscles and rocking, i milked every last bit of his pleasure from him and we rolled on our sides together.

Damn, its nice to have our house back.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

Marcie would make Jesus drink. A lot. A lot of moonshine, without a chaser. She was here for 12 days and i went a tiny bit postal. Because we all know despite the name i’m about as saint like as… well, that i’m not very saint like. 😛 By Sunday i was sitting on my porch beating my head on the porch post in front of the whole fucking neighborhood and running around chairs. Yeah, not good. i’m quite glad she went home today. Extremely glad.

J and i couldn’t fuck the whole time Marcie and Hot Rod were here either. That’s just ridiculous. Totally nuts. i’m sexually frustrated beyond belief. So is J and we are both crabby with it. We had planned to remedy this tonight, but J is sick. i’m hoping to get a little bit any way, but who knows. What i really want is to try out the new pinwheel that the lovely Lady C sent me. That should be interesting!

Anyway, i’m alive, i survived. i’ll be back to posting. Life goes on.

Yet Another Meme

You know your friend is a sadist when they tag you as your life is falling apart. 😛

Lady C got me.

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself and say who tagged you. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people you tag and list their names. No tag backs.

1) i’ve finally gotten more comfy with masterbation. (Go me! Thanks friend who i won’t mention to protect their privacy.)

2) i’ve lost over 60 lbs since last June.

3) my jaw is in desperate need of surgery. If i don’t get it soon, i’ll probably get my mouth stuck open or closed and be totally fucked.

4) i’ve taken to rocking lately. Its annoying, i look like a nutcase sitting around rocking. i can’t seem to stop it though.

5) i’ve done so many of these damn things i can’t come up with little quirky facts about myself anymore.

6) i got one of those internet phones and i really like it.

7) i buy my bdsm stuff from bdsm-gear and i really like them a lot.

8) i really appreciate my readers for their thoughtful and insightful comments. They really help me.

Burst

So once again my family fucks me over. my oldest sister Marcie is staying with me. She was sexually assaulted by one of her husband’s family members and now she has totally lost it. She needs to be in the hospital. She and her youngest son are both here and my nerves are just SHOT TO SHIT.

Brad is on the rampage, J is in withdrawl mode and my happiness is drying up and blowing away like so much sand on a child’s feet as they walk away from a beach’s shore. It was a nice vacation but its over. Reality has returned and i realize that my family will always suck me back down unless i find a way to escape them.

i will help her through this. Then i will find a way a way away. i must.

Damn Skippy Fucking Fantastic

We are still getting along great. i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it keeps not happening and so i’ve had to realize, its not going to happen. We’ve had another shift. This time to a good place. We really are reconnected and its not going anywhere. Long shifts at work for J aren’t taking it away. me getting stressed out didn’t take it away. i think its just we have reconnected.

i can’t explain the difference. He genuinely seems to enjoy my companionship. He touches me both sexually and non sexually. He is more there when he’s there is all i can say. And, i return that by doing literally anything he wants. J’s wish is my command. If he wants to relax then i will move heaven and hell to try to make things as relaxing for him as possible.

Its not that i feel unworthy of the attention. Its that i feel appreciated and i want him to as well. i think things are going well. Damn skippy fucking fantastic to tell the truth.